Do you every feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of mothering?
Not just the daily needs of food, clothing, cleaning dirty hands, protecting toddlers who are determined to run into the street, and wiping runny noses. Really, while monotonous & physically wearing, that part isn't the hard part. It is the responsibility of training them, teaching them to know & love God.
Remembering to talk of God & his mercies throughout the day requires that I be daily drinking in His Word and breathing out prayers to Him.
It is so much more than just talking about it. Their little eyes are watching me & their little ears hear everything! I have to be LIVING what I am saying.
OVERWHELMING!!!
I am loving Psalms 61 right now...
"...Hear my cry, O God...
...when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I...
...I will trust in the shelter of thy wings...
...you have given me the heritage of those who fear thy name...
...I will sing praise unto thy name forever, that I may daily perform my vows..."
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I need some help from some veteran mothers out there.
One of my boys in the last few weeks has developed a spirit of "If I don't get what I want, immediately, I WHINE & throw a fit"
He is approaching 2. I know this is part of the whole teaching/training/molding his heart part of having a 2 year old. However, I feel a little lost as to the best way of addressing it (that is age appropriate).
I have tried:
~Ignoring~
~Telling him to use his words (He has a great vocabulary & can usually express what he wants) & not giving him what he wants until he asks in a polite way~
~Singing a song about patience to him as he waits~
~Redirecting/Distracting~
?????
Help! This "younger mommy" would love to recieve the teaching of some"older mommies" in this area. What have you done/are doing that has been effective in your homes?
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Thanks to some glorious warm weather, we are going outside A LOT!
It is by far the boys #1 favorite thing & I like it too.
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We have lots of outside toys...riding toys, slide, pool, etc.(Thank you to hand-me-downs & garage sales!)
However, the boys usually ignore those and go straight for rocks instead.
Almost immediately when the boys get their eager feet out the door, they make a bee line for the neighbor's window well that contains pebbles or they dig them out of sidewalk cracks.
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Usually they bring the rocks to me or they make a little pile of them in some designated spot.
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A quote I read this week that has been going around in my head:
"will he worship?"
It is always, "Who will he worship..."
(Ted Tripp)
What are my actions telling my children about who/or what I worship?
7 comments:
I think you're on the right track. Teaching children not to whine and cry when they want something is a huge challenge of parenting-- I swear they're wired to automatically do the most frustrating, annoying thing possible. ;) I don't think there is any magic formula that will fix it-- it's patience and hard work and repeating the process over and over and over. And then you'll have a 5 1/2 year old who still needs reminders now and then to not whine.
If you haven't read Shepherding a Child's Heart, now is a great time to read it. It is excellent. Another thing that works with children that age is providing words for them, and acknowledging their feelings, since they can't always express themselves very well. As in, "Son, I know you want juice right now. And it is making you very angry and upset that you can't have it. I'm sorry you're angry and upset. I love you and I want to give you want you need, but first I need to finish washing the dishes. And you need to wait without crying. I know it's hard, but God can help you. Let's pray that God will help you be sweet and patient while you wait."
But seriously-- that book is hands down the best parenting book I've ever read, aside from the Bible. And it's all about patience (not raising your voice), firmness (not giving in to the whining), and consistency (repeating the process every. single. time., recognizing that the time you spend training your children is far more important that getting supper on the table on time).
I'm preaching to myself here. I think I need to read the book again. :)
I am right there with you! I think you are definately on the right track. I don't consider myself to be an experienced mom by any measure but here are a couple of things I've used to help. I read and am currently rereading "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman. It's a great book and I would highly recommend it. Also another resource that goes with that book is "Wise Words for Mom" it's a chart that gives you good thought provoking questions to ask your kids. I know they are still young but get into the habit now of asking those questions that will get to the heart of the matter instead of just dealing with the action and it will help them to realize at a young age their own heart issues.
Hang in there. You are doing well. Remember that it's impossible to live a "perfect" example in front of your kids and sometimes we have to apologize to them for being a bad example. But those are times that teach them also.
I am struggling with the same things as you. Thankfully God doesn't expect perfection from us, just faithfulness.
Oh...one other thing I wanted to tell you that I use that is great! There are these charts "If-Then" and a Rewards chart and are really good. I have ones that are an 8.5 X 11 and laminated. The "If-Then chart" give about 10 disiplinary issues that really cover most things our kids do then next to that is a verse and then there is a column for you to decide an appropriate consequence. The reward chart is the same idea but for positive reenforcement. The great thing is that they are laminated and you can change the consequence/reward as they get older if you use a dry erase marker. It's great because you hang it in a place for the kids to be constantly reminded of the consequences. Here's the website if you are interested: http://www.doorposts.com/details.aspx?id=14
No advice; you've already rec'd sound suggestions and I think you're doing great anyway!!! But about the rocks -- it's heredity! There is a 6"X6" box of rocks in the basement that Doug collected. I've almost pitched them numerous times but will now bring them for the boys to enjoy. They will love moving them from one place to another & Doug can "play" along with them on weekends!!!
Just keep doing what you are doing, Deb. You are a great mother! Consistency will pay off, it just takes awhile.
One thing that we did with R when he went through a really intense fit throwing stage was that whenever he was screaming/throwing a fit, etc, He had to go sit on his bed. He was not allowed to get up until he had stopped. (I guess this is the ignoring technique you mentioned, only it removes the fit thrower from the center of attention and quite honestly made it easier to deal with as a mother when it wasn't right next to me.)
When he stopped, we could talk through the problem and handle consequences if needed. It worked well because prior to that I was trying to talk to him about his behavior during the middle of the fit and his anger would just escalate.
This was when he was a bit older though, maybe this isn't what you are dealing with. It was more than whining.
And I will echo Erin's advice on Shepherding a Child's Heart. Great book!
Hey Deborah,
I am using the same technique Christine mentioned. When Aiden throws a fit, I tell him "if you want to scream/cry, you need to go to your room and when you are done you can come out". I walk him to his room, bend down to his level and tell him he can come out when he is done with his "fit". It seems to be working, he is never in there for more than a minute. I am praying for patience and guidance for you during this time.
TogetherforGood said it all. I think you have read Shepherding, but I think we all need to read it again and again, in each new phase.
I LOVE her suggestion of acknowledging his frustration and praying. With little ones, keep it SHORT - "I can see you are upset and angry. God wants you to obey mommy and wait patiently. Let's pray. 'Dear God, Please help Joseph wait with a happy heart. In Jesus' name amen.'" If the fit is huge and he is the center of attention (which is part of the goal of the fit) - remove him. BUT, WHATEVER YOU DO - DON'T GIVE IN TO HIS DEMANDS DURING THE FIT! I have witnessed parents give in and it just reinforces the bad behavior and then the parents can't figure out why his tantrums aren't going away - huh, go figure!
Remember, the tantrum is sin. Call it what it is. As he gets older, there will be consequences for sin and he needs to seek forgiveness for his sin.
Agree again with previous writers who have urged CONSISTENCY - and training again, and again and again.
OH - ONE MORE IDEA: Role play the RIGHT behavior. This might work better in a few more months. But in a non-confrontational time, talk about waiting and being patient. Work on that little song and then Have Joseph practice. Say "Joe, lets practice waiting for this toy/juice/outside. Ask Jesus to help you (simple prayer) and sing your song." Then when he sucessfully pracitices, reward him, cheer, call Auntie Dawn to report the wonderful results ;)
Last opinions: I am not a big fan of reward charts. Some parents like them, but I don't keep up with them and they are a chore for me. Furthermore I feel like I am simply manipulating outward behavior, not changing the heart.
I have never heard of the book "Don't Make Me Count to Three", but I detest counting to get obedience. My motto: "delayed obedience is disobedience." "Obey right away with a happy heart."
Yes, I'm preaching a review sermon to myself as I write this. ;)
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